Sunday, May 23, 2004

The Jesus Freak

When did I become the Jesus Freak? That's what I'm wondering. I think my friends are scared of me now b/c I've become so gung ho about being a christian. I hate that. I hate being left out of naughty conversations, good fun, and good parties, because someone is afraid I will be offended or offend someone else and ruin their good time.

I didn't become a christian so that I could judge people and walk around saying that I'm better than you because I have an eternity of pleasure ahead of me once I die. I became a christian because I feel so much love and for once I thought I should return it. It didn't teach me to judge people, that's not in our "now you're a christian, put that beer down" manual. Oh, and yes we drink. I'm not baptist, for shit's sake. We have wine at every service. What do you think Episcopal is? It's from the Church of England, and part of the Anglican Communion. Don't even start to tell me that English people don't drink.

I don't want to push something on you that makes you feel bad an unworthy as a person. I certainly don't want you to think that I judge the way you live your life now. That's not what this is about. It's about love. To be a good christian, I'm supposed to love you and pray that you have a fulfilled life, even when you call me names and hurt me. It's about forgiving. For the first time in eight years, I have finally been able to forgive my rapist. That's a miracle right there folks. Some higher power gave me the peace and wisdom to be able to say, I forgive you. Then I prayed for him to have a fulfilled life. Do you think I could've done that without some sort of higher power's help?

When I talk about Christianity, I'm not trying to let you know that you're going to hell and that you live a forsaken life. It's not about you. Simple as that. It's not about me either. It's that I have finally found the secret to life. I found peace to forgive and live my stressful life with a smile. I found out how to live without worry. My truck desperately needs new tires and it has an expired license plate that will cost over $700 to fix now that I've waited so long. I'm not even the least bit worried about it, when before I would have been consumed with worry. I know it'll be taken care of. That's what God told me when I opened the bible and read, "Do not worry." Simple. Don't worry. Okay, you worry for me.

The reason I talk about this stuff is that I feel like I've found something so much fun and so special and I want to share it with you. I want you to know just why my life has changed, and why I've been smiling so much lately. It's like the new tv show or toy that you want to tell everyone about. I'm not judging you, I just want to share this with you because I love you and want you to have the best too.

I'm not the Jesus Freak that is going to witness to you in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I'm someone who sees you and thinks, "I love them so much, I wish I could give them everything in the world." And then I think of the one thing that I actually can give you. That's all. So don't feel bad, don't hold yourself back from telling me about your life. I'm not judging, and I'm not going to stop communication with you b/c you went on a bender or found a few lovers to occupy your time. It's not about you, and it's not about me.

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