Monday, February 02, 2004

The Skinny Conspiracy

I can't believe that I've gone an entire week void of chocolate.

Except for the chips in that cookie... those don't count, right?

It's starting to really hit me. Last week my body didn't respond too adversely, thinking "This is a joke, you'll give me sugar soon." By this morning, the denial is gone and the rage begins. I can hear my blood vessels, heart, stomach, and area where my gallbladder is missing shouting at me, "Okay now it's a SICK joke! Give us something sticky to store NOW!"

This morning's warfare from my body - the "Where's my Sugar Dammit" headache. I've managed to dodge it most of last week, tricking myself by drinking cinnamon tea (which is scrumptious, by the way).

I've heard warnings about the headache, the stomach pains, and the inability to smile when experiencing sugar withdrawal... but I wonder what's next. Is my hair going to fall out? Will my fingernails turn black and brittle, or will I experience a temporary blindness? This rather scares me, I've never had a sugar withdrawal in all of my 25 years. Maybe instead of going cold turkey (mmm... turkey) on my body, perhaps I should just have a little bit of sugar something to nibble.. except I don't really trust myself to have JUST a nibble.

My confusion at how my body can handle no sugar, expands into how do other people handle it? Skinny people must do it all the time, HOW? Is it a mean trick by the devil to put skinny people who just don't care about ingesting sugar on this earth to put the rest of us in misery? Is that who makes us want to be like them and who designed those airplane seats to be so darned tiny? Am I on the right track? It's not that I'm fat... it's that the devil has begun a conspiracy to take over the world by incorporating skinny people whose bodies don't process any foods, in order to bring the fat man down. That's what it is.

And to think I was going to hire one to live in my kitchen. Dayum devilish conspirators.