I'm overwhelmed with myself. Not sure how else to say it, just overwhelmed. Here I am worrying over the pains of having to go without chocolate, coffee (gave it up for Lent, not the chocolate, that's just b/c of diet), peanut butter, and pasta.... then I go see The Passion and realize that it's no pain at all for me to give up that stuff to better my body, God's temple.

Nothing quite as refreshing as a good ol' slap in the face is there?

Now I'd lie if I said watching that movie immediately put me off of fatty, carby, and no-good-for-you foods for the rest of my life, but really all it did was add to the guilt when I do eat 'em... of course I still eat them, I just feel horrible doing it. Nothing quite as annoying as a fat woman's will, is there?

Switching subjects slightly, I noticed yesterday that I have a major overweight woman's radar built in. It's not that I go searching for others like me, but if I enter a restaurant/club/bar or even office, I automatically do a quick head count of the other overweight women to make me feel better, as though it is justified that I am worthy of being there because there are others like me. If there is someone bigger than me, then I feel even better. Well if that woman is eating a hamburger here, then I can too!

I also take a skinny, pretty female headcount, to make me feel equally guilty, hurt and ashamed of myself. How dare I think that I can enjoy the same public places as HER? She's loads prettier and skinner than I am. I should be in the bathroom handing out paper towels to everyone, or running sprints around the building, or serving hashbrowns, scattered and smothered next door at the Waffle House instead. Grrr, the presence of the skinny ladies makes me feel so inadequate. Too bad that won't automatically speed up my metabolism or curb my hunger.

What headcounts do you take?