I don't think this depression crap is ever going to end.

Had another mini breakdown yesterday and had to miss out on DH's evening church concert. B/c I wasn't there, he had to tell people why since he's honest, and so I have church people passing him their phone numbers in case I ever want to call. Boy that's an invitation nobody wants you to accept. "Hi, it's me, the crazy depressed woman. I'm just going to whine and cry to you and reject any sort of support you tell me for the next half hour. Thanks."

No thank you. Although it's nice to see them being supportive. I think DH needs more support than I do, however. He probably didn't bargain for the crazy institutionally insane wife, and has to learn quickly how to adapt to situations where this may happen,

"What do you want for dinner?"
(bawling eyes out) "I don't knoooowwwwwwww" (more wails)

Five minutes later things are back to normal and I cook dinner for him.

Asked doc to call in a referral to a psychologist (Mother told me not to see a Psychiatrist b/c she's afraid he'll go all Freudian on me and have me blame my mother for everything), and am waiting for the call back from his nurse.

One thing I learned is that I completely cannot function at work while in my nutso state (ie between meds). It's better if I just stay home and I'd feel better then too, but according to my boss I'd be "terminated" if I stayed home too long for "unnescessary reasons". I'm also PMSing, and have a meeting with her in half an hour to discuss my goals of my performance during the next year. I think it's the perfect time to unleash my beast and SNAP whenever I damn well please.

The worst cramps I've ever had in years have just kicked in and I have no pain meds.

We'll see what happens.