'Cause I'm a Loser, baby...

Radford turned me down. No reason, just let me panic all last week thinking that maybe they got off schedule and weren't interviewing today, etc... but they were really just ignoring me. Called the head honcho today and she said that another lady was supposed to let me know that they decided not to invite me to the person-to-person interview. They didn't want me.

The one bite out of 50 applications that I sent, and they didn't want me. All the other places rejected me from bits of paper, I can get over that. But this place actually spoke to me on the phone, caught a glimpse into my personality and got to ask me questions... and still turned me down.

I'm a Loser. With a Big ol' L on my forehead. Can't do a stinkin' secretarial job well, can't get a demotion, and can't even get a non secretarial job. I suck. That's it. I should've seen it when my alma mater wouldn't even hire me. I'm useless. My boss thinks I'm a useless secretary, and employers think I'm too useless to have a conversation with about hiring me.

I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of being turned down by people who haven't even met me. When I applied for jobs locally, I was used to being turned down after people met me and decided to go with the prettier, blonder girl, but these people haven't even given me the chance to disgust them with my fat beauty. I'm sick of it.

I know I'm good, dammit. I just haven't been able to be good in a year. Not since the Airline job have I been able to use any of those skills we hear so much about in college. I've had a year to kill my spirit, forget those skills, become attention deficit disordered, and learn to live off of a minimum salary. But I deserve better than this. I just can't seem to figure out a way to get others to realize this.

I'm writing the Radford people a letter. Asking them to please help me in my job search by letting me know what particular items turned them off of me, and if I'm over or under-qualified. I need feedback dammit. I'm sick of not hearing anything. Even when I apply at places where friends work, I get nothing. Not even my happy pills can get me out of this rut, and if I saw my therapist right now I think I'd just slap the bitch for encouraging me to step into this bullshit. I hate being a Loser.

So, this grad school thing looks even better now. Can I begin grad school in the spring semester? Is it too late? Hmmm. I just want the hell out of this place. Slush, I'm going to come live on your floor and work at a gas station or call center until I can find something. I've got to get out of here.

And I'm sick of other people giving me advice on this whole situation. Unless you're out there doing the same damn thing right now then shut up. I've used your advice and it has gotten me nowhere. It wasn't until I scrapped everybody's advice that I finally got a phone call.

I suppose I should put a disclaimer here. The above statements aren't directed at those few of you family and friends who actually read my blog. It is a general statement to the ladies at work, friends who want to know what's going on with me but refuse to read my blog, and family members in the latter category who tell me that Bush has nothing to do with the lack of jobs right now. It just feels better to vent here, b/c those people won't read it, and I need to say it.

I'm 26 years old and live with my parents. How can I NOT be a Loser?