It's all a conspiracy

I think clothing designers and people in charge of special events have a long history of conspiring together in order to bring the fat (wo)man down. Think about it. What kind of clothes lose their purpose when they hang onto a fat woman? Dressy clothes. They no longer look dressy, classy, or even resemble professional or businesslike. There are a few exceptions, but those clothes never show up in my price range, so I have to wear the "looks good on a hanger" department. My closet is the only place where the clothes will ever look their best.

There was a co-worker's funeral today. Not someone I know very well since I'm new to the job, but I thought I would go and pay my respects. I went home yesterday after work and searched through my closet for appropriate black stuff, that I might look decent wearing. Not that I have black trousers, skirts, or dresses that fit me, but every time a woman goes into her closet, she believes that maybe there will be a divine intervention, showing her an outfit that will look just perfect for the occasion, that was never there the first five times she searched through the hangers. That's what I believe about my closet, anyway... not that it has produced such an item, but I still have hope.

Since I didn't have black, I looked for gray, and there it was. A long, classy gray wraparound skirt that I had bought a year ago to wear to job interviews, never worn, tags still on it, even hung on the clothing store hanger. Perfect.

Problem: I was two sizes smaller a year ago when I bought it. I bought it keeping in mind that I was going to diet, and stick to it, and lose weight... skirt remains untouched.

I'm not sure what I had hoped for, in finding the perfect funeral outfit. Whenever I do happen to find a great outfit for a funeral, wedding, job interview, or other special occasion, I always run into another big problem: shoes. Shoes aren't made for the fat woman. They have heels, pointy toes, narrow soles, and aren't designed to take on the weight of two women at once. My feet aren't pointy, narrow, light, nor are they designed to put all of my weight onto the toes/ball with every pounding step I take. I don't understand why there isn't a shoe market for me for these special occasions, certainly I'm not the first fat woman who has wanted to dress up. Whenever I do find a perfect shoe that fits the foot, it's either half my salary, or has a heel on it, just waiting to produce blisters all over my feet. A perfect shoe would fit like a tennis shoe, but look like a black leather mid-calf boot, perfect with everything.

So, I gave up on the outfit last night, went to bed and looked in the closet again this morning, hoping that the divine intervention had occurred.... no such luck. I picked up the same gray skirt again, hoping it had swollen two sizes overnight (no), picked up a little black dress bought three years ago (still too small), and after a good twenty minutes of staring, sorting, and playing peek a boo with under-sized garments... I left for work, wearing blue jeans, tennis shoes, and hubby's black long-sleeve polo shirt. I stayed behind and covered phones while the office went to work, seemed like a good plan as they all came in wearing classy black dresses and suits, and I wore my casual Friday attire.

Sorry Roz, I wish you peace, and maybe a giggle as you look down on my closet.