That's right, I've been a bad blogger. Getting as lazy about it as my DH. No real excuse except I celebrated a birthday, saw a psych counselor, and have been working a little harder so that it will be easier to pack up and leave when I can.
Wednesday I saw my therapist for the first time. She's fantastic, and doesn't baby me around, instead she "calls a spade, a spade" and tells things to me straight. It's definitely true, that I have severe clinical depression, but things right now are making me even more crazy and she told me a few things to help that:
- Get out of this job. She said that I'm slowly dying here, and when I told her my boss's name, she said, "That name has run across my desk a few times."
- Go for a job that I'm worth, not another secretary position that makes me feel like a failure.
- Get out of the State and go back to Virginia where the jobs are good, the weather is better, and the friends are in living color.
- Get OUT of my parents' house. She wasn't too happy about me mentioning their part in my bankruptcy by having 5 credit cards out in my name with tons of debt on them. Can't ever tell my parents that I have bad feelings about that one though, they immediately shoot back with everything they've done for me throughout my entire life. So need to keep that one quiet. The getting out bit is also so DH and I can have a place of our own and won't just be "roommates".
- Sell the gas guzzling truck, even though it's almost paid for, and get a non gas guzzling car. (Any tips on how to do this with a bankruptcy on my record, please PLEASE let me know).
- Buy myself some nice clothes that make me feel good when I wear them.
So, just one session with her did me a world of good. Of course it doesn't cure me, but I do feel better that I'm involved in taking care of this disease, and that someone else doesn't think I'm just crazy. She also reminded me that I've been through tons of things in my life and I'd have to be VERY strong to go through it all and still be here...I had forgotten about that. It was nice to be reminded. She said that my spirit is dying, and I need to find my backbone again. Boy I wish I knew where I put it.
So, there you go. Saw a shrink, and the shrink did good. Supposed to go every two weeks, and when I told boss this she had a miniature hissy fit. I told her that it's not like I can automatically cure myself or even that it will heal as quickly and efficiently as a cold. It's a disease, and I need this treatment to live normally. She said, "Well yes, but all the people I know usually go to their therapy sessions in the evening, after work." She's trying so damn hard to control me. Not all shrinks work that late, and hardly any of them have openings in those popular spots. Mine doesn't, so I'm going when she's available and that's that. Bitch.
Not that I said any of that, but I should would love to take the opportunity to bitch slap her one time. And remind her that I'm not the only person she's driven to the looney bin.
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