Good news or bad, I've got news
Well I'll just break it to you like it was broken to me:
Thursday I bought my new birth control. I was very excited about that, because I had decided I was NOT ready for kids, and hell no to pregnancy for a long time. In fact I had just told my Dad he'll have to pretend his poodles are his grandkids for a while, so he better get used to it.
Friday I was fed up with feeling so damn achy and crampy. It was like the worst case of PMS I had ever had but without the period. If you think I'm sharing too much, just wait. I've got more. So I went to the doctor. The HMO wouldn't let me see a snoopy doctor for another month, so I just asked to see my regular internist. After a lecture from him about how I should've seen a snoopy doctor instead, he made me take some blood and urine tests, and sit out in the waiting room with a sleepy husband for an hour. We sat underneath the horrid FauxNews (I don't know why people even watch that crap when there's CNN and BBCNews around) while they stood 'watch' on the Pope dying. Pete wondered if he hung on for another month, would they still stand there hour by hour reporting that he's still "not dead".
I got called back to see the doc right about 5pm when his office was closing. He took ten seconds to tell me - "Your blood and urine are fine, but your preguhsee is positive". I had to grab his sleeve before he walked out, "Um, huh?" What the hell is preguhsee? Was that some sort of disease? Oh... pregNANcy... damn.
I sat there with a blank look for as long as he'd let me. I was waiting for the pregnancy instructions, what to do, what not to do... all he told me was to see an ob/gyn and left. Wow, I just LOVE fucking HMOs.
Yeah, so, on April Fools' Day, I found out that I'm pregnant. Fucking pregnant.
I would be happier if it weren't for these damn hormones. I can't tell you how many times I've told God that not only is he an evil little shit, but he can take these extra hormones and shove them up his...
So...when am I supposed to start being all cozy mothering exuding happiness? Pete has been ecstatic since the moment I told him. Everyone else is ecstatic. I'm still in disbelief, and to be quite honest, I absolutely hate the way I feel. Nauseous but Hungry, tired but I can't sleep, exhausted but can't get the energy, crampy but without the relief of being able to take drugs for it, pissed off at the world, but not knowing if I can take my anti-depressants b/c my fucking doctor didn't fucking tell me. And that pregnant glow? It's not glow. It's the sweat I get now when I sleep.
And the sleep? It's not really sleep. It's tossing and turning while those awful words "pregnant women should only sleep on their left side" going through my head, as if I'm committing murder if I want to let the blood flow back into my left arm while I sleep on the right side. The damn thing is only less than 1mm right now, why must it take up the entire bed????
And I don't know how in the hell I am going to manage work. I already missed a day and a half last week from my crampiness. I haven't been able to walk and talk at the same time all weekend. I stumble from the bed to the bathroom to the kitchen, back to the bathroom, to the bed. I bawl big ugly sobs and tears because I feel so hopeless and so awful because I can't feel happy when I feel this shitty.
I'm scared to DEATH.
At least it was easy to quit smoking.
Thursday I bought my new birth control. I was very excited about that, because I had decided I was NOT ready for kids, and hell no to pregnancy for a long time. In fact I had just told my Dad he'll have to pretend his poodles are his grandkids for a while, so he better get used to it.
Friday I was fed up with feeling so damn achy and crampy. It was like the worst case of PMS I had ever had but without the period. If you think I'm sharing too much, just wait. I've got more. So I went to the doctor. The HMO wouldn't let me see a snoopy doctor for another month, so I just asked to see my regular internist. After a lecture from him about how I should've seen a snoopy doctor instead, he made me take some blood and urine tests, and sit out in the waiting room with a sleepy husband for an hour. We sat underneath the horrid FauxNews (I don't know why people even watch that crap when there's CNN and BBCNews around) while they stood 'watch' on the Pope dying. Pete wondered if he hung on for another month, would they still stand there hour by hour reporting that he's still "not dead".
I got called back to see the doc right about 5pm when his office was closing. He took ten seconds to tell me - "Your blood and urine are fine, but your preguhsee is positive". I had to grab his sleeve before he walked out, "Um, huh?" What the hell is preguhsee? Was that some sort of disease? Oh... pregNANcy... damn.
I sat there with a blank look for as long as he'd let me. I was waiting for the pregnancy instructions, what to do, what not to do... all he told me was to see an ob/gyn and left. Wow, I just LOVE fucking HMOs.
Yeah, so, on April Fools' Day, I found out that I'm pregnant. Fucking pregnant.
I would be happier if it weren't for these damn hormones. I can't tell you how many times I've told God that not only is he an evil little shit, but he can take these extra hormones and shove them up his...
So...when am I supposed to start being all cozy mothering exuding happiness? Pete has been ecstatic since the moment I told him. Everyone else is ecstatic. I'm still in disbelief, and to be quite honest, I absolutely hate the way I feel. Nauseous but Hungry, tired but I can't sleep, exhausted but can't get the energy, crampy but without the relief of being able to take drugs for it, pissed off at the world, but not knowing if I can take my anti-depressants b/c my fucking doctor didn't fucking tell me. And that pregnant glow? It's not glow. It's the sweat I get now when I sleep.
And the sleep? It's not really sleep. It's tossing and turning while those awful words "pregnant women should only sleep on their left side" going through my head, as if I'm committing murder if I want to let the blood flow back into my left arm while I sleep on the right side. The damn thing is only less than 1mm right now, why must it take up the entire bed????
And I don't know how in the hell I am going to manage work. I already missed a day and a half last week from my crampiness. I haven't been able to walk and talk at the same time all weekend. I stumble from the bed to the bathroom to the kitchen, back to the bathroom, to the bed. I bawl big ugly sobs and tears because I feel so hopeless and so awful because I can't feel happy when I feel this shitty.
I'm scared to DEATH.
At least it was easy to quit smoking.
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