Pregnancy and Oprah
I learned yesterday that I can't watch Oprah while Pregnant.
Also, I can't watch the news, Maury, Montel, CSI shows, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, Reading Rainbow and even some teen chick flicks. They make me cry, and crying while pregnant is bad. It gives you a horrible headache for which you can't take any medication, and it's hard to stop crying once you start.
Oh, included in that list are commercials for Sylvan learning center (where the kid tells the mom thank you for sending them to a tutor to get better grades and the cheesy piano music chimes in), the beginning of West Wing (again, the music), and that show where Dr. Phil's son tears down and rebuilds dream homes for people. Basically I can't watch tv.
I don't know if it is the hormones or the fact that my damn fucking psychiatrist has made me wean off of my beloved and much-needed anti-depressant. I believe that being off of it will harm the baby more with all the blood pressure raising breakdowns I'll have, and she thinks the slight miniscule risk of taking it is too much and will ease my mind if I don't take it. Psychotic bitch.
She's not really a bitch, and I feel bad for calling her one, but I could strangle her for weaning me off my drugs.
Today is day two of absolutely no pills rather than less pills. This morning I woke up, cried, made DH hit snooze, peed, cried when I made myself sit up to get out of bed, cried in the shower because I couldn't face going to work, snapped at DH over who knows what, and crying when he snapped back (he is in nicotine withdrawal although so am I at the moment), crying when I couldn't find my shoes, cried when I had nausea and couldn't go in the kitchen to make breakfast, cried when the cat wouldn't stop whining at me, and cried when I dropped an apple on the floor.
And again on the way to work...but then I fell asleep so that stopped the crying.
I don't know how pregnant women work either. Not only do I want to be a stay-at-home mom b/c I feel like I'm too insane to keep a job without the pregnancy - I want to be a stay-at-home preggo. I can't handle the exhaustion. I fell asleep at my desk three times, twice in the bathroom stall, and have had my head hanging over the garbage can under my desk for about 6 hours of today's 8 hour day.
I can't do it.
I'm also afraid of my depression while being a mother. I'm scared that my hoarding of hangers is because I will turn into Joan Crawford once my baby is born. I'm already kicking DH in bed, and I'm sure it's b/c he's the one who knocked me up and that's the reason I can't sleep. It's all subconsciously of course, but I can't stop it.
I feel like writing to Oprah and asking her to support my stay-at-homeness b/c she pretends to have compassion for depressed moms. At least I think she does.
By the way, as an update to my past pregnancy posts, I am now super-excited about this baby, which scares me now because if I lose it I'll be more devastated than before when I was just scared shitless. I've also changed from calling it little bastard or Phelps the lucky sperm, to 'Little Bird'. I think it's a girl, and from the pain I'm in, twins.
Monday is the first ultrasound, fingers are crossed that the tech will get through my fat layers and find out if there's a baby or velociraptor alien in there. I'll update later.
Right now I have a migraine, nothing to take to relieve it, and I'm thinking of making DH risk his life again by asking for McDonald's fries on the way home (he risks his life by denying his pregnant wife her ultimate cravings, especially when she is off her drugs and has a migraine). I'll also let you know if he lives to see next week.
Also, I can't watch the news, Maury, Montel, CSI shows, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, Reading Rainbow and even some teen chick flicks. They make me cry, and crying while pregnant is bad. It gives you a horrible headache for which you can't take any medication, and it's hard to stop crying once you start.
Oh, included in that list are commercials for Sylvan learning center (where the kid tells the mom thank you for sending them to a tutor to get better grades and the cheesy piano music chimes in), the beginning of West Wing (again, the music), and that show where Dr. Phil's son tears down and rebuilds dream homes for people. Basically I can't watch tv.
I don't know if it is the hormones or the fact that my damn fucking psychiatrist has made me wean off of my beloved and much-needed anti-depressant. I believe that being off of it will harm the baby more with all the blood pressure raising breakdowns I'll have, and she thinks the slight miniscule risk of taking it is too much and will ease my mind if I don't take it. Psychotic bitch.
She's not really a bitch, and I feel bad for calling her one, but I could strangle her for weaning me off my drugs.
Today is day two of absolutely no pills rather than less pills. This morning I woke up, cried, made DH hit snooze, peed, cried when I made myself sit up to get out of bed, cried in the shower because I couldn't face going to work, snapped at DH over who knows what, and crying when he snapped back (he is in nicotine withdrawal although so am I at the moment), crying when I couldn't find my shoes, cried when I had nausea and couldn't go in the kitchen to make breakfast, cried when the cat wouldn't stop whining at me, and cried when I dropped an apple on the floor.
And again on the way to work...but then I fell asleep so that stopped the crying.
I don't know how pregnant women work either. Not only do I want to be a stay-at-home mom b/c I feel like I'm too insane to keep a job without the pregnancy - I want to be a stay-at-home preggo. I can't handle the exhaustion. I fell asleep at my desk three times, twice in the bathroom stall, and have had my head hanging over the garbage can under my desk for about 6 hours of today's 8 hour day.
I can't do it.
I'm also afraid of my depression while being a mother. I'm scared that my hoarding of hangers is because I will turn into Joan Crawford once my baby is born. I'm already kicking DH in bed, and I'm sure it's b/c he's the one who knocked me up and that's the reason I can't sleep. It's all subconsciously of course, but I can't stop it.
I feel like writing to Oprah and asking her to support my stay-at-homeness b/c she pretends to have compassion for depressed moms. At least I think she does.
By the way, as an update to my past pregnancy posts, I am now super-excited about this baby, which scares me now because if I lose it I'll be more devastated than before when I was just scared shitless. I've also changed from calling it little bastard or Phelps the lucky sperm, to 'Little Bird'. I think it's a girl, and from the pain I'm in, twins.
Monday is the first ultrasound, fingers are crossed that the tech will get through my fat layers and find out if there's a baby or velociraptor alien in there. I'll update later.
Right now I have a migraine, nothing to take to relieve it, and I'm thinking of making DH risk his life again by asking for McDonald's fries on the way home (he risks his life by denying his pregnant wife her ultimate cravings, especially when she is off her drugs and has a migraine). I'll also let you know if he lives to see next week.
<< Home