Toby at 8 weeks

I just love watching my two loves together. I hope Toby will learn someday just how wonderful a father his Daddy is. Not all kids are that lucky.

He can't wear that shirt anymore, he's too tall for it, or at least, his torso is too long. He still loves his changing table!


Here are some more clothes he'll outgrow soon. The shirt is 3-6 months and will probably fit a little longer, but the trousers aren't going to fit pretty soon. The booties he is wearing were made by a friend, aren't they cool?!?

Mommy Brain, Mommy Time

Hey, just wanted to say that I've been reading your emails and thinking of y'all. I'm sorry I'm not great at emailing back or phoning you back, things are just a bit busy around here. I don't know how people with an infant and a toddler at the same time do it - especially those w/two toddlers or even more children! Does it get easier or do you forget how hard it was until you're facing it again? I'm sure w/out the ppd it might not be so bad, so maybe that is part of my problem.

Speaking of, the ppd is getting much better. I was at a terrible point about two weeks ago and I had to call the psych on her emergency cell phone b/c I was *this* close to doing something really stupid, and although part of my brain knew it was irrational and stupid, the other part was telling me to do it - it was the craziest thing I never want to relive. I went in to see her the next day and she kept telling me how severe the depression had gotten, that I was in no way in any shape to return to work yet, that the birth control pills might make it worse or help - but nothing in between b/c my biggest problem is my brain's super sensitivity to hormonal changes (I did go through a depression in the first trimester as well, but nothing like this). She put me on an antipsychotic medication they give to schizos and people in postpartum psychosis - and told me not to look it up b/c it'd just scare me (of course that's the first thing I did), but that I was on a very low dose and the real crazies get up to 800 mg (I was on 25). That combined with an increase in the prozac really seemed to help, and I saw her again two weeks later. She said I was at 60%, and she doesn't want me to go to work until I'm at least 90 b/c any stress I encounter at work may set me all the way back, but I am improving.

We doubled the nighttime anxiety med and ever since then I feel like a whole new person. I have had entire good days of actually feeling the love for Toby that I first felt the first 3 days (the ppd seemed to hit at the end of the third day where I feel like I turned into a different person and haven't been the same since). I want to cuddle him now, I can look at him and *want* to touch him, and all that love that I felt as soon as I heard him crying in the OR, it's all back. Of course it still comes and goes, but it is staying longer, and I haven't been able to feel those loving feelings since day 3, so that is a huge improvement.

Thursday Toby goes for his 2 month checkup, I'm going to ask if he needs his tongue clipped, I think it may be too attached and that may be why he never really latched on? And I think he has reflux. Sigh. We did get WIC and they pay for Alimentum, which we have been giving him the past week... I see no difference from that and the Gentlease that is positive enough to like the Alimentum. We're still saving the coupons and stocking up on Gentlease... and *whisper* in a way exchanging some of the Alimentum for Gentlease, some of it at least. I still think he is best on the Gentlease, and in another month he may be able to tolerate the regular Enfamil a lot better - he takes it well in the daytime but he has been extra fussy this past week so I have held off giving it to him.

I just filled up two boxes of Toby's 0-3 month clothes to take to the triplets' home. They all came home last week, I have no idea how those parents can cope with that and their other son who I think is maybe 2 or even younger. Some of the stuff is so cute I'm having trouble parting with it even though Toby won't fit into it anymore. I keep thinking "my next son could wear this" then I remember that I don't want that extra baby anytime soon!

Speaking of mommy brain and mommy time, I'm rambling too much and need to go check on Toby. Hugs to everyone!

Toby 6 weeks

Updates on us - My PPD got much worse, saw the psych again, she kept saying it was severe and that I'm just sensitive to hormones and put me on an anti-psychotic drug at night (low dose). I think it is helping lots, as my horrible episodes are actually more of episodes rather than days and weeks, meaning I actually have some good moments in between. Phew! Mum in law and Sis in law came to visit, and I wish they'd never left. I think Toby misses his grandmother Sue cuddling him and chatting to him, and Aunty Linda trying to make a deal with him not to cry.







On the church's nursery changing table after the christening service. He was a good boy during the christening once we got the pacifier to him.


The fellas together.


"My Mummy likes to have a good night's sleep but I'm the Boss around here"

I love this picture of him with Aunty Linda in the morning.

Our Home, Louisiana

I just wanted to share something a little neat. BC/BS has been running this commercial showing pictures of recovery of the area and New Orleans with this song that really pulls at the emotions. I get teary eyed and actually proud to live here for the brief time of the commercial. Anyway, one of our church friends who works for them sent the link to the entire song and lyrics so I wanted to share it.

"
I’m sure by now you’ve heard or seen the TV commercials with the “Our Home, Louisiana” song in it. The young man who wrote and performs that song, Jep Epstein, is a New Orleans native who has done work for us in the past. His home was completely destroyed by Katrina, like so many others he has been on an odyssey worthy of writing down. But instead, he wrote that heart-wrenching tune. I thought you might like to hear the whole thing, as you only get snippets in our ads, and the song really has nothing to do with Blue Cross, we’re just helping it get distributed. In fact, in the 1st Quarter of the Peach Bowl, we went ahead and ran the ad nationally so that displaced people all over America could hear it, and see that we’re still working to fix things here.

Here is a link to the song in its entirety: http://www.bcbsla.com/web/customer/Our_Home/Our_Home_Louisiana.asp

And here are the lyrics:

OUR HOME, LOUISIANA

A flickering lamp, a fire bright,
The lights are on again,
Graceful trees tell quiet tales,
And you remember then.

All our dreams head homeward, chere,
Smiles bring other smiles,
Neighbors, friends, and family join,
Together, we survive.

This is our love, This is our life,
This is our home, Louisiana,
This is our day, come what may,
This is our home.

A breaking dawn, a tender morn,
A canvas we design,
The band parades, a jester laughs,
We share momentous time.

And all our hopes flow back to you,
The music plays in time,
The river calls in majesty.
Together, we survive.

This is our love, This is our life,
This is our home, Louisiana,
This is our day, come what may,
This is our home.

Church bells ring, the children sing,
My sunshine, you are mine,
Hello old friend, I knew you when,
Together, we’ll unwind.

May all our prayers be noble now,
May all our work be pure,
May we be thankful once again,
Together, we endure.

This is our love, This is our life,
This is our home, Louisiana,
This is our day, come what may,
This is our home.

This is our love, This is our life,
This is our home, Louisiana,
This is our day, come what may,
This is our home.

More photos of Toby at a month old

They're over on DH's blog: http://thespencers.blogspot.com.