I'm just going to quit my job and commit myself into one of those state run mental hospitals instead of find another job where i will fail miserably like I do here.

Shot myself in the foot

Two years ago I worked at a call center for $7 an hour because I couldn't find any other job. Most places said I was over-qualified, but the call center was desperate and hired me within an hour of setting foot in their door. I worked there for about 6 months, about 50-55 hours a week, coming in at 5 and 6am whenever they asked me to, and worked on my days off. When I left to go work for the airline, my sister began working there and was told that I was the best employee they've had.

So it confuses me that I received this letter of feedback from Radford when I asked them for suggestions on how to improve my job search. (Byron Bordelon is the boss at the call center):

Good Morning, Ashley.

Actually, you did a great job with your telephone interview and we
seriously considered inviting you to campus for a second interview.
However, we had the unique experience of having multiple viable
candidates (six) and in light of our time constraints, had to narrow our
choices. We not only utilized our rating system based on the telephone
interview and needed experience, but we also took into consideration
reference feedback.

While your application was initially strong, it was within that
secondary process that your application was not selected.

The one suggestion I would make that could potentially strengthen your
employment opportunities in the future would be that you consider
granting permission to speak with your current employer as part of the
reference process so that Byron Bordelon from Nationwide Response/Call
Center is not contacted for information. I'll not elaborate on that
suggestion, but I think you'll understand its implications.

Best of luck with your future job search.

'Cause I'm a Loser, baby...

Radford turned me down. No reason, just let me panic all last week thinking that maybe they got off schedule and weren't interviewing today, etc... but they were really just ignoring me. Called the head honcho today and she said that another lady was supposed to let me know that they decided not to invite me to the person-to-person interview. They didn't want me.

The one bite out of 50 applications that I sent, and they didn't want me. All the other places rejected me from bits of paper, I can get over that. But this place actually spoke to me on the phone, caught a glimpse into my personality and got to ask me questions... and still turned me down.

I'm a Loser. With a Big ol' L on my forehead. Can't do a stinkin' secretarial job well, can't get a demotion, and can't even get a non secretarial job. I suck. That's it. I should've seen it when my alma mater wouldn't even hire me. I'm useless. My boss thinks I'm a useless secretary, and employers think I'm too useless to have a conversation with about hiring me.

I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of being turned down by people who haven't even met me. When I applied for jobs locally, I was used to being turned down after people met me and decided to go with the prettier, blonder girl, but these people haven't even given me the chance to disgust them with my fat beauty. I'm sick of it.

I know I'm good, dammit. I just haven't been able to be good in a year. Not since the Airline job have I been able to use any of those skills we hear so much about in college. I've had a year to kill my spirit, forget those skills, become attention deficit disordered, and learn to live off of a minimum salary. But I deserve better than this. I just can't seem to figure out a way to get others to realize this.

I'm writing the Radford people a letter. Asking them to please help me in my job search by letting me know what particular items turned them off of me, and if I'm over or under-qualified. I need feedback dammit. I'm sick of not hearing anything. Even when I apply at places where friends work, I get nothing. Not even my happy pills can get me out of this rut, and if I saw my therapist right now I think I'd just slap the bitch for encouraging me to step into this bullshit. I hate being a Loser.

So, this grad school thing looks even better now. Can I begin grad school in the spring semester? Is it too late? Hmmm. I just want the hell out of this place. Slush, I'm going to come live on your floor and work at a gas station or call center until I can find something. I've got to get out of here.

And I'm sick of other people giving me advice on this whole situation. Unless you're out there doing the same damn thing right now then shut up. I've used your advice and it has gotten me nowhere. It wasn't until I scrapped everybody's advice that I finally got a phone call.

I suppose I should put a disclaimer here. The above statements aren't directed at those few of you family and friends who actually read my blog. It is a general statement to the ladies at work, friends who want to know what's going on with me but refuse to read my blog, and family members in the latter category who tell me that Bush has nothing to do with the lack of jobs right now. It just feels better to vent here, b/c those people won't read it, and I need to say it.

I'm 26 years old and live with my parents. How can I NOT be a Loser?

Raccoons visited us again! Eating the rest of our cat food. See Linda, they just want you to come visit us!!! 

Rocky in the middle is washing his food, as raccoons do. 

Rocky, Rachel, and Ricardo Raccoon. 

They've grown so much! 

Raccoons that visited us. Pete drove up at night and called me in the house from the truck and had me sneak up on these critters. It was a little scary when they looked at me! 

Welcome to the Crazy House...

Not sure what the update on DH is at the moment, but as of this morning he was feeling better and planning to meet our priest (Father Victor the Vicar) to discuss it some more. They already met and spoke last night, and we also had an outpouring of love and support from our entire church family. They really are a family and as someone said to me yesterday, they have adopted Pete and I as their own young adult children. Just having them around is an answer to my prayers.

The snoopy boil is still there, itchy and hurting, but DH says that it is looking less black in the center. Someone just told me to put warm compresses on it to get the staph out of it, why didn't the Family Ties Dad Doc tell me that? It's smaller and feeling a tad better so there's progress.

No call from Radford. I'm taking this as a no. And when I call them tomorrow to hear the "no" audibly, I'll send a professional letter just asking why not. I need to know these things so I can search for the perfect job. HR people just don't understand this and give you no feedback.

I learned something new today - even if the lack of a gallbladder makes your digestive system a straight chute down and out, the right antibiotic will slow it down. First time in 2 years I didn't have a "Reading Room" moment for a day. I'm ok now, a cup of coffee and it's sorted.
Have a good 'un!

What's been going on

• Blood results back, no diabetes, yes to hypoglycemia (knew that already), iffy on the thyroid and we're doing more tests.
• Also probably a bladder infection, but if that's the case then it's already taken care of because:
• Thought I had a cyst, turns out it is a boil, the gyno drained it yesterday and put me antibiotics.
• My new gyno looks like the Dad off of Family Ties.
• Ever wonder how it feels to have a celebrity examine your snoopy?
• Have not heard from Radford. Called them today, they're out of office so I left a message, will call again tomorrow.
• To mum-in-law, yes we both quit cigarettes for good. As for any other kind of stuff to smoke, we quit that a loooooooooooong time ago...except DH has lapses once or twice a year when we're at parties at a parents' friend's house (much to my dismay).
• DH had a breakdown yesterday, the last straw was pulled at his job.
• My doc says DH is depressed and needs meds and therapy to help him through this rough patch. DH won't listen to it and will not see anyone, and doesn't believe in meds.
• He also has decided to not believe in God anymore.
• So I know have a depressed, atheist and moody DH on my hands, and a possible huge job rejection to deal with, some sort of thyroid disease, a nasty boiling boil on my woman region, something that makes me pee every ten minutes, and a week of migraines that I cannot get rid of.
• Yay me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA SUE!

Happy 29th(ish) birthday to my wondiferous mum-in-law who looks young enough to be my sister (is that enough, or should I brown-nose a little more?).

Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday to you.

Happy Birthday dear Mamaaaaaaaa Suuuuueeeeeeeee!

Happy Birthday to you!

Letting myself down easy...

Haven't heard from Radford today, and I take that as a not so good sign. Perhaps they found some candidates who are better qualified. Of course I say it's fair enough, I'd rather have a job that is fitting for me, but dammit I wanted that one!

The air is cleared though. I gave my graduate school/career aspirations spill to boss this morning and she took it well. She said she was happy for me, that it was obvious in the beginning that I was so overqualified for this job that I wouldn't stay long, and she is happy for me to move along in my career, blah blah blah...while at the same time I could see some mixed emotions in her face. Probably happiness at the help of getting rid of me, and pain in that she has to find a new peon to criticize. 'Tis life, but I ain't leaving yet.

I think I just may have gotten my hopes up. It was the first time someone actually called for an interview out of the 50 or so positions that I had applied for in Virginia, and they seemed interested in when I could move up there, etc. I was one of the first phone interviews for them though, so it's probably easy to forget me and move on to someone else. Maybe I'll send a box of beignet mix along with my thank you card. Hmmmm...sounds like a good idea, you think?

I had the most fun at work today. I got to design and make some business cards b/c my boss wanted to give some as a gift to one of her employees who is leaving to take a promotion in another division. Everyone oohed and aahed at my creative skills and asked me to make them some. I actually got to use a non-clerical skill, that was exciting.

Back to work. Our family calendar says that mum-in-law's birthday was yesterday, but DH swears up and down that it's not until the 18th. So Sue, if we've forgotten it yesterday, I sincerely apologize...it's Pete's fault!!! And Happy Birthday, late or early.

One interview down...

Yup, it's overwith. I have no idea how it went. I was so busy yesterday that I didn't have much time to prepare. I tried to come into work a half hour early to prepare, but little things distracted me along the way. By the time I had finally sat down at my desk, at 4 minutes to 8am (9am their time)...the phone rang.

The interview. With five people. On speakerphone.

I could've thrown up in my garbage can from nerves. You could hear the nerves in my voice, she said "Now, don't be nervous," and I stifled ugly, nervous laughter. My legs were shaking, I had to pee, and I was afraid of anyone in the hallway listening in through the sounds coming from my closed office door. They asked me the regular interview questions and I rambled my answers. They asked me what could I bring them from Louisiana and I said that I wish I could've brought them beignets for breakfast...

You mention food and the ice is broken. Phew.

So it went well...I think. Or it could've gone horribly wrong. Because I was so damn nervous. I am an awful interviewer. I look good on paper, but make me speak in a pressure situation for a job that I really, really, really want, and I bomb. But I think it may have gone well. We'll see.

By the end of the interview they were asking me about when I could come for a second interview, in person. Not that they had made their minds up, but just in case. Then they asked how quickly could I move up there, I said that the open position was such a top priority for me that I just need two weeks' notice to give my boss, and I'm there, I fibbed a little and said that I had friends nearby Radford (well Slush is 3.5 hours away, that's close...right?) that I could stay with until I settle in. They asked when I could come cook them lasagna (b/c I told them about me cooking for my division when they complete projects on time), and they applauded and yay'd at the prospect of me bringing them louisiana food. They like food. It's good. They have three positions to fill and the University is pushing them to fill them fast...so I have a chance.

Right?

The problem though is that although I did not put my boss down as a reference, and ticked the box "No" at "May we contact your present supervisor?", they called back and asked to speak to boss. Boss isn't in today so they said they'd call her back. I haven't told boss about me applying for jobs in Virginia.

Uh-oh.

What do I do? Here's my plan:

Tomorrow morning have conference with boss. Tell her that I had been making plans to go to graduate school at Virginia Tech in Higher Education administration in order to obtain a decent job at a university or college, and in my research, I found out about this perfect job opportunity for my career at nearby Radford University, and applied. And then say that it is very unexpected that they interviewed and called to speak to her, as if it's all out of the blue and I was just considering the idea, instead of dying to get out of here b/c i'm miserable.

Does that sound good?

The nerves are so bad...I need an anxiety pill.

Just a quickie

I've got some quick news to share and might post a little later.

Received a phone call this morning from Radford University in Virginia. I applied for the position of Assistant Registrar there, two days ago, in a half-assed attempt to apply to a bunch of places via websites and email before I went home to do actual snail mail and fax applications. Bad Ashley, I know.

But they want to do a phone interview tomorrow morning at 9am. I checked boss's schedule and she's out of town doing a review of a group home.

Can I scream now?

Cause I really want to.

Until then...

Where's my powerball?

Didn't win the powerball Saturday. In fact, I've never won, not even a measly $3 or so. Why not? I'm a good person, I need the money, where's my bloomin' luck?!?! I've been playing it lately even without greediness. I didn't wish for the 171 million jackpot, but just for the $5,000 winnings, to get 4 numbers. I figured out that if we just had $5,000, we could go ahead and move to VA and start our lives over, and it'd give us a little cushion while we looked for jobs. I'm convinced that I won't be able to get a job in VA unless I live there already. Why else would they reject me before the interview? They can't see my size, my CV kicks booty, and I've got cool stuff to put in the cover letter. I'm thinkin' that they just don't want to deal with someone out of state. Bastards.

Even though the powerball is back down to $10million, I think I'll continue playing. Someday I might win $100 or something when I really need it. I feel like that's how it works. Right? Or do I need to seek out Gambler's Anonymous?

DH has a new enthusiasm about his insurance job. He sold two policies last week (well, one really b/c the other one can't pay until next month), and thinks that he should stick with it. No progress on the second job, the reason this time is that he doesn't want to work in the restaurant business. So I'm helping look for part-time jobs out there with flexible schedules that aren't in restaurants (???). I should just go and get one myself, but what is stopping me is principle. Why do I have to be the first one to do it? I feel like it's just wrong for me to work 2 jobs when DH hardly works one for less than 30 hours a week, and makes no money out of it. I hope that things will change, he'll start selling more, and I won't have all the pressure on me to pay the bills and save up for his christmas plane ticket home.

Before I let you go, I just want to clarify that no matter how much I may vent about DH, I still honestly think that I got the best catch of them all. He's a hardworker when it comes to our relationship, and I can't say that I have a better best friend. Yesterday while I whined and moaned ill in bed with flu, he did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, laundry room, and did some tidying in our room, on top of going to church to help with the ministry that I'm supposed to be leading. So don't think I've married a lazy loser at all. The little vents I do about him are pretty much all anyone could stir up negative about him. That's a good thing, b/c I could find tons more on other people's husbands. I've got the biggest blessing of them all with having him as my husband, and I thank God every day for him.

Edit to yesterday's post

Blah blah blah. Just changing a bit to the original post. Just insert a lot of venting here from a frustrated person at being sick, poor, and not having support.

Healthwise, I feel worse today, and DH is the one out of bed and going to work. Can't get him to be a little more open to a second part-time job, especially in the restaurant business, no matter how much of a shoe-in that job would be - but he's out working his normal job today and I'm going to stay in bed whining and moaning and taking my TheraFlu (LemSip to the brits).

Had a discussion w/DH yesterday and it seems apparent that he understands less of clinical depression than what he let on earlier. That frustrates me even more. Bought him a book recommended by a therapist friend who says all her patients' families should read it, and he barely touched it. I guess that's all I'll get for now. And as far as the upcoming bloodwork goes, DH thinks it's ridiculously not needed. I hope that when I get the results, he's right, b/c I really don't want diabetes to be honest. But I would like to know why my body is peeing 8 times a night, and I'm falling asleep at work among other things.

Back to bed. Goodnight y'all.

Just a little note...

During the Vice-Presidential Debate last night, Vice-President Dick Cheney mentioned everyone should go to www.factcheck.com.

Not only is the address www.factcheck.org, (which, okay, so it's a slip-up, an honest mistake) but the main article at www.factcheck.com is very anti-Bush. Check it out and giggle for yourself.

What a boo-boo.

BlahDays

The In-law/Friends holiday is over, and it's back to work for DH and I. DH has a new found drive to make money at his job (v.g. thing since he's commission paid), and I've found a little more drive to work at getting the heck outta this place. I'm not that inspired though. 25 rejection letters kinda does that to you.

Also, my three week old sore throat is now accompanied with a nasty phlegm producing cough, and the sore throat has spread to DH. Boss would make my life hell if I took more time off work, so I hope it doesn't get worse than this. Had an at-home blood sugar test to see if my diabetes fear is correct, and it came out normal...but it was so faulty in the beginning, I dunno if I trust that machine. Of course I'd like the blood to be normal, but it'd be nice to have an explanation for all the symptoms I've been having - and a way to make them go away. Falling asleep at work and peeing 6 times a night aren't on my list of fun.

I uploaded the photos from the trip to snapfish instead of ifoto, and just realized why I should've done ifoto. So y'all could see them. Anyway, let's give it a go and see if this works...

It doesn't work, have to upload to ifoto instead. Darn.

Anyhow, I'll do the pictures later.

Oh, we made an exciting new purchase, one of those comfy squishy toilet seats for the bathroom since somehow we broke the ceramic one. It's fantastic! I don't know why more people don't have these! Instead of sitting on a cold hard surface, your tushy gets a nice soft, warm cushion while you ponder the meaning of life in the reading room. At first I was skeptical, b/c the only squishy toilet seat I've known of was at my grandparents' house and I was afraid it'd remind me of being there too much. It's too fantastic though, I recommend everyone to go out and get themselves one. It's cheaper, not cold, not hard, and your butt will thank you.

Right, Imma go fix the pictures, and you go get yourselves a better toilet seat.

True Friends Oath

Are you tired of all those sissy, mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship!

When you are sad ... I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the SOB who made you sad.

When you are blue ... I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile ... I'll know you finally had sex.

When you are scared ... I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried ... I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused ... I will use little words to explain.

When you are sick ..... stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall ... I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.