just LOVE my job

I hope you can sense the sarcasm there. Today I was 20 minutes late and boss said, "You know this will reflect in your review, dependability."

I haven't been late to work in three months. She can only be talking about two days where I was ill but came in anyway - I just came in at 10am b/c I knew she would hold it against me if I stayed out the entire day. She's holding it against me anyway.

Normally when she does something like this, we have one of those kodak moments that make things all better again, and the tension is lost. It's just not happening here. I've got to find a new job. Elsewhere. I can't stand it.

Depressed

Not in the best of moods today. DH thinks I'm boring, we have nothing to talk about, we have no friends in BR and we don't go out. Told DH to get a job, which will lead to friends, and money to go out, and perhaps he'll find someone a little more interesting to talk to.

Boss still making me feel incompetent. Two ladies in the office told me if I'm looking elsewhere, to use them as references instead of boss. I told them about the Virginia plans, and now I'm kicking myself b/c I let the cat out of the bag. This is the most gossiping office there is. I'm sure word will get back to boss, who knows. Sigh.

In the meantime, I finished all the week's projects yesterday, much to my incompetent self's surprise. Boss is still frowning at me, and you could've cut the tension with a knife when I walked into the building this morning, five minutes late, the exact same time as boss walked in. We had to take an elevator up. Seven floors in a slow elevator. It was pure hell.

This is a far cry from Boss's mood on Friday when she called me an Angel. Hmmph. I'd like to go back to Angel mode, please.

DH and I had a planning meeting last night w/a man from church about planning the next Alpha Course. I told the priest that I would love to be in charge of it this fall, since DH and I are the ones who have the most Alpha experience and brought it to the church...he instead told another guy to be in charge but to consult with me. Guy last night said he did NOT want to be in charge and trusts with all his confidence in decisions I would make. Seems that Priest is the one w/the problem. I heard a rumor he's uncomfortable with women in charge of things. Maybe it'll be a good thing I go to Virginia. So far they've put me in charge of, then gradually completely pushed me off of - producing their website, Alpha, A/V for Contemp. Service... what's next?

What's next is me scheduling a doctor's appointment for a better happy pill. This ain't cuttin' it.

Hating my job

I love to make lists. So here's one for today. In my own complete nonsensical way.

1. Sunburn still hurting.
2. Boss looked at me before signing my leave slip (I was out 8-10am monday b/c feeling bad from sun poisoning) and said, "Sun poisoning?" like, "did you really just make that up?"
3. Bitch.
4. She's been late, like 3 months late, in returning some payroll forms back to me.
5. Bitch.
6. She tried to make me feel incompetent again by bringing up the posting letters on Friday deal. I told her she didn't say Saturday, she told me she said she wanted to take 'em home and mail them. Fair enough, I messed up. Why are you continuing to make me feel bad over something I can't change and wish I could?.
7. Bitch.
8. I would love to tell her just how she made me feel, once I'm telling her I got a job in Virginia.
9. Bitch.
10. My sunburn also itches.
11. Unburnt Bitch.
12. She doesn't share her coffee either.
13. Caffeine hoarding Bitch.
14. I'm afraid to approach her about Florida again.
15. Non-vacationing Bitch.

New Ambitions...or Running Away again?

After yesterday's phone bashing from boss, I decided that perhaps it was the hint I needed that my dreams of getting a different job and moving back to Virginia - land of my friends, seasons, and cheaper flights to London - should come true.

The problem is, I'm just not a patient planning person. If it were up to me, I'd pack everything we owned, drove up to VA and got jobs waiting tables until the real job came along. DH is up for it also, but I have this damn thing called a conscience. It has to ruin everything, and remind me just how impossible that seems, and all the other problems that might stem from it. Damn logic. Why should it be so hard? I hear stories of my older colleagues that did the same thing, just at younger ages.

We have no money, one car that will be paid for next year, a bookcase that we actually own, and a fresh chapter 7 bankruptcy stuck to my record for the next 10 years. Actually the most expensive thing I own is my college degree (still paying that off), but the bankruptcy court wouldn't take it. Neither would the flea market. Perhaps I should try Ebay.

So, older and more logical people, give me some advice. I have a list of about 30 jobs I want to apply for, but should I save up money and wait and take the risk of these University jobs being gone...or go now and wing it? What does a young risk-taker do?

Anyone hiring?

Boss is out sick but managed to call in today and berate me for not telling her where I put some envelopes ready for a mail out before I left work on Friday. I put them exactly where the post office picks them up from the mailroom, but she didn't know to look there. So, boss whose only talent is to place blame, put it on me, my mother who answered the phone when she called my house and didn't know where I was, and me for not giving my boss my cell phone number. I feel like this one thing will be the reason I will not get my raise in August, and probably get me fired. The letters were to inform people who applied for a job that they didn't get it. She thinks if they were mailed out Friday at 6pm, that they would be received at the applicants' houses on Saturday. I've never known US Mail to work so fast before, but whatever. I put them so they could be mailed out. She doesn't believe they were mailed out. My word against hers, she's the boss, I'm the one who won't get a raise and probably needs to look for a new job. Again.

Have I ever mentioned how much I loathe my job? I love my office, my view of the Mississippi River from my window, my co-workers, and the fact that I'm somehow helping Foster children...but can't stand the boss. She has no people skills, only talks to you when she needs to blame somebody, and holds it against me when I'm out sick - even if I have a doctor's note ordering me not to go back to work.

But on top of it all, it's a govt job with great benefits, and a (even if measly) salary. Without it, DH and I would be without health insurance, or any income at all.

I almost would go back to the call center.

Aside from that, DH and I spent 4 hours swimming in a very shaded pool Saturday and I've somehow gotten sun poisoning and a very bad sunburn from that. DH has the burn but his is already healing quickly. It's just mine that likes to annoy. And why is it that the stinky stuff is what I'm supposed to use? Anyone ever enjoyed pouring vinegar all over themselves?

Busy Busy Busy

TGIF but damn, I don't remember ever working this hard on a Friday. I was going to spend this morning changing the template of this, but the best I could do was manage to add the links here, in some ugly fashion.

Can't even finish the darned blog today as I made the mistake of telling a few people who asked, "No, I don't have a terribly busy afternoon."

I now have piles of work to do to "help" others. Grumble Grumble...

I've learned my lesson now.

Until Monday - DH and I are house-sitting for the Golden, and the Golden's next door neighbors - two yellow labs and their even more glorious swimming pool and spa.

#%$^#$%!!! Blogger!

It lost my old template. Completely. Even on the archives. I had to resort to a blogger template (shudder). Will fix it at another time. Send chocolate in the meantime.

Terror in her imagination

Did you hear about that long ass article on wallstreetwomen dot com written by that woman who flew from Detroit to somewhere and witnessed Syrian men building bombs in the bathroom?

Snopes finally has it listed as false. You can read about it here

She did fly on the plane, the Syrians were there, but they were musicians, and were dry running absolutely nothing. It was a woman who pays attention to the government fear warnings, and got carried away.

You can also read more about it here

Click the links this time, it's interesting dammit.

BBC NEWS | News Front Page

What's going on in the world

It upsets me a little bit that I have to look at a foreign newspaper to find out what's really going on, but I'm thankful that I have access to websites such as the BBC News.

In case you didn't know, here are a few things going on around the rest of the world:

*An India school burned, killing over 900 children.

*Italians protest as Italy forces the return home of African immigrants who arrived by German ship.

*More reports of abuse to Malaysian maids.

*Floods in China kill near 400 people.

*El Salvador still affected from civil war between US soldiers and Salvadoran guerillas. This is a feature on children separated from their families during the time.

*Sudan vows to return refugees from camps to their torn villages in Darfur. But none think it will be safe.

After you read up on what's going in the U.S., you should check out BBC News and educate yourself about the rest of the world, where people just like us suffer a whole lot more - and it will make you feel even more fortunate to live in the country that you do... and hopefully it will make you want to help these people, or at least feel a little compassion towards them.

BBC NEWS News Front Page

101 things continued:

31. I get migraines, a lot.
32. I had 7 "tubes in the ear" operations as a child.
33. B/c of that I have ultra-sensitive hearing. I can't hear some levels, but can hear other things a lot louder than other people.
34. I think I have ADD.
35. I went to Randolph-Macon Woman's College, in Lynchburg, VA; b/c I was sick of the a-hole male species I had encountered all through high school, and I wanted to get as far away from Louisiana as I could.
36. I seem to run away from my problems more than face them.
37. My junior year of college I spent 10 months studying in England with 30 other girls from my college. It was the best year of my life.
38. My two older sisters terrorized me as a child. Now I'm deathly afraid when I'm being tickled and held down.
39. I have an obsession with airplanes. I could live at the airport.
40. I had a Sheltie named Brandy for 16 years. She was my shadow. I want another Sheltie.

BBC NEWS | Americas | Brazil 'slavery' damned by report

Slave labour in Brasil

Not so surprised at the mention of landowners hiring gunmen to kill escapees, but shocked at the slaves eating out of pesticide containers. Sickening.

BBC NEWS | Americas | Brazil 'slavery' damned by report

Mondays

Why is it that Mondays are so horrible? Even when I worked Wednesday - Sunday, Mondays treated me badly.

DH and I were confirmed into the Episcopal church (like the American version of Church of England) by the bishop on Sunday. It's really a huge deal. Families came from all over to see the kids and other adults get confirmed...and we had my Dad there. Who didn't even stay to the end of the service. Who took three pictures in total that show: the bishop's robe, my big ass, someone else getting confirmed.

My mom worked the night before at the hospital and had to work that night, so I didn't require her to be excited and present; my sister Stephanie, however, had to be there. She missed my baptism in January b/c she didn't want to take off work 10 minutes early, and she had no excuses this time. I began telling my family about this weeks before, reminding them everytime I spoke to them. I spoke to older sis Stephanie a few times during the week and mentioned it. I called her house 4 times the night before and left messages. Sunday morning came and went, no Stephanie.

Perhaps it's my depression, but I just couldn't get a smile out of it all. Not even when we received our faux leather bound engraved Books of Common Prayer, or when the deacon gave me an extra huge sip of wine at communion (seriously, I had to gulp).

Today I feel like such a spoiled brat. It's my fault, really. I didn't make a big deal out of getting married, so DH and I hardly have any memories of celebration. Didn't tell the world when I was baptized, so I didn't get pictures taken of the event. And now I didn't flat out make the ultimatum: Watch me be confirmed or give up your christmas pressies. So nobody showed up.

At least I had DH and Dear old Dad there (for the biggest bit anyway). If nobody shows when I get ordained, I'm disowning them and adopting a family from Maine. With accents, clam chowder, and a house in the Adirondacks. They'd take pictures and buy me lunch.

Parents' Night
 
Last night we went to Parents' night at church where DH has been teaching Vacation Bible School to screaming ADHD kids all week.  Although he's only there from 9-2 everyday, he's been purely exhausted as soon as he comes home.  He's been late everyday in picking me up from work because he crashes and doesn't wake up in time to get me.  I've been wondering what the fuss has been about.  Last night I found out.
 
We walked into utter chaos.  By that time there were only about 10 kids who were there b/c their parents were VBS volunteers and were getting things ready for the night.  The kids did their part by running around playing hide and seek, sneaking brownies, and playing "trip the adult" by getting in the way of anyone who needed to walk somewhere.  DH was tuning his guitar, the kids were running, the adults were screaming, and I stood there bewildered, trying to look as though I was supposed to stand there frozen, in order to fit in.  Finally, everyone arrived and the sanctuary was soon filled with kids, parents, DH and me.  The band (with DH as the bass guitar) started up and the kids began singing as loud as they could and jumping up and down (as they were taught) to praise songs. 
 
As overwhelmed and exhausted as I was just by watching them, I couldn't help but tear up with the thought that these kids were such joys to their parents and so cute... and I didn't have one.  They all loved DH too, and their cuteness didn't escape him either.  He was smiling and giggling right along with them.   A ten year old girl also managed to develop an extreme crush on him, sitting by him, making him hug her when he's hugging me, and talking to him nonstop:
 
"Why aren't you in the video?"
"I saw my feet"
"They should've shown you more"
"I saw myself twice!"
"Well they should've put you in three times!"
 
Boy, do I have some competition. 
 
It was so adorably sweet, seeing how these kids have touched DH, how he's charmed them, and how proud those parents were.  It's also very painful to me, to know that I won't have any of those ankle-biters probably for a long time - a very long time if it were up to DH.  I realize we need to move out of the 'rents house, both make some money, and enjoy our time together alone...but it's a little depressing when people we meet who are our age already have toddlers and babies learning to walk and talk.  Now I know what my co-workers mean when they tell me that all Social workers end up with a foster child of their own.  I'm just glad I work in the department that handles the psycho-foster kids, even I don't want one of those. 

101 Things continued...
16. I love to cook although the mess needing to be cleaned turns me off of doing it.
17. Yes I'm that lazy
18. I have an OCD problem of when riding in a car down a road, I'll have to blink my eyes in between telephone poles or driveways.
19. I realize that's weird. I'm getting much better though.
20. My most difficult class in college, and the class that I use the most in daily life - was "History, Theory and Practice of Rhetorical Criticism"
21. I love chocolate with: mint, peanut butter, cherries.
22. I learned to read when I was three years old, and the first things I read were the Sunday Comics.
23. I've always wanted to be a writer, first a journalist/columnist like Lewis Grizzard, now I just want to write anything.
24. Baseball is my first love. Atlanta Braves - Dale Murphy
25. I type 96 Words a Minute

Pride Swallowing

College reunion is next year. Makes me feel old and unsuccessful. I haven't even had my high school reunion yet. I'm four years out of college, Bachelor's degree in hand, and measly secretary's salary in the other. Definitely something I want to show off next year.

I can't think of the point of these reunions except to brag and build our pride. Who has the better job, who got through law/medical school, who has the Master's/PhD, and who is that sweeping the sidewalk...is that...why yes it is... it's Ashley!

I've only accomplished one thing so far, getting the knight in shining armor. I've found the soulmate, made him my life partner, and I have no worries of finding him in 5 years in bed w/his secretary. I've found one of the few real men out there. It's slim pickin's for the real men, I had to import mine.

Not that I want to rub my DH in everyone's faces...I just don't have the job to be proud of, so what else could I do? I married for love, not financial security as most of the girls have, or have vowed to do. I can't talk about vacations on the yacht, or even the parents' or in-law's yacht; nor would I want to. I suppose the only thing to do is to bring the DH and make 'em sick by the way we act together. It works for us in public places here. We have people in church yelling "get a room!".

I thought I had a point somewhere but it looks as if I don't. I just feel unsuccessful. All those big career dreams, being the boss, the writer, or somehow the money-maker just hasnt' happened. I see some jobs in VA that I would like to apply for, they're not money-makers but at least I won't be in Baton Rouge. Still waiting on DH to take the insurance test so we can see if this career is for him. I don't mind putting my career on hold for him, as long as he does his part...which we're still waiting on. But I love him, he loves me, and we're as happy as pigs in shit when we're together. I do need to talk to him about doing the laundry though. His househusband duties have lacked a little since he's teaching Vacation bible school to children for half a day.

Boss has me typing out her rolodex of 12 years into a Word file. It's oh so fun.

101 things...

Everyone's blog seems to have a 101 things about me post. I'll do mine in stages. Here are a few:

1. Blue eyes, born with blond hair.
2. Blond hair turned to Brown when I was 13ish.
3. I bite my fingernails, and they still grow long and purty.
4. I like saying purty.
5. Grew up in Jackson, Mississippi.
6. At my kindergarten graduation, they put the microphone in front of me and asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said, "The Boss, like my Mommy."
7. I'm not the Boss...yet.
8. My favorite color is Blue.
9. I'm a Virgo.
10. I love looking at Cranes (the birds) and love Louisiana just for the fact that they're everywhere here.
11. I wish I lived in Virginia or somewhere over that way.
12. I prefer cold weather to hot.
13. I have clinical depression.
14. I get angry when people think that just thinking positive thoughts will 'cure' my depression.
15. I used to go bass fishing with my dad every Sunday morning on his boat. I once caught a 5 and 1/2 lb catfish and it was my proudest moment.

BBC NEWS | South Asia | Flood havoc mounts in South Asia

Have you heard?

Flood havoc mounts in South Asia

I wish I could help everyone. Right now I'm trying to fundraise w/my church for a church family whose air conditioning unit went out. It's impossible to live w/out a/c in South Louisiana, especially this summer. They have an elderly woman and a 7month old baby. The baby is already covered in heat rash. I hope people will meet my donation so we can help them out quickly.

But I feel bad that I can't do anything for just one of these families who are living on top of a straw roof, or the dogs of the soldiers guarding the borders that have to swim instead of walk w/their owners.

It also exasperates me that no one over here really knows about it, nor cares. Please tell me it's just a South Louisiana thing.

tales of a bathroom scale

tales of a bathroom scale

I've read her blog for a while now, and the news of her recent breakup just breaks my heart. Why do I feel so much compassion for a stranger? Is it the way she writes it or the way that I've been there?

I wish I could write like that though. To simply have someone enter my head with a flashlight as they're reading my words, and to feel every twinge of pain as I write them. Why can't I write like that?

Picture time

Went to a bbq yesterday at my sister's house for my mom's Birthday. Below are pics of her animals, our animals, and Maxi the Golden that Pete and I housesit for on occasion. It's empty the digital camera time. Enjoy.

Did I mention it was hot? 

Maggie 

Maggie, dachsaund/beagle mix 

Sister's rescue basset/heeler mix Benny 

Sister's kitten Charis 

Cleo, Garfield's crosseyed cousin 

Pickles, sleeping above the kitchen cabinets 

Hot Louisiana Days  

The Brats in their Summer haircuts 

Maxi taking a swim 

Do I have to play with them? 

Don't sniff my butt, I haven't pooed yet! 

TGIF

I feel obligated to blog since DH hasn't updated his most of the week. We celebrated a lovely Snogversary with dinner, a bike ride, and bubble bath. DH also bought me flowers and chocolates (Hershey Kisses and Hugs) but the dogs managed to eat every single one of them and the foil wrappers and leave hardly any evidence. The parents, who were supposed to be watching the dogs, let them have a free run through the house while they stood outside playing darts. If I leave the room to get something while I'm watching the dogs I'm criticized, but the parents can do what they want. I suppose that's the rule for whoever owns the house. I'm too charmed by DH's efforts to surprise w/the chocolates and flowers to be upset though. I didn't need to eat 'em anyway.

I guess DH and I have started a new exercise trend together with the bicycle riding. Yesterday was the third day in a row where we hopped onto my parents' bikes and cycled through the neighborhood a few times. DH can cycle longer than me, then again he has the easier, faster men's bike and I have my mom's messed up mountain bike where I haven't been able to figure out the gears. My old softball knee injury has come back to haunt me as well. I should get a knee brace for this if I want to keep up w/DH. Anyhow, it's fun and nice to spend time w/him while we cycle. There isn't a television or computer around to take our attention off of each other, and we're getting some good exercise out of it. I know that walking gets more out of you, but cycling is easier on my large unfit body.

I have some bad news. My Dear old Dad had some bloodwork done and the results aren't good. Because of his low white and red blood cell counts, the doc is sending him to an oncologist. He doesn't seem too worried about it, but I'm the worrywart of the family, that's my job. He goes to the oncologist on Tuesday. We'll see what else our family has been given to deal with then.

Happy Snogversary!

Today marks DH and I's 4th first kiss anniversary, four years from the beginning of our relationship. And just like one of my friends who tells her children about their birth on their birthdays, I have to tell you the story of Pete and I, and how it took 6 months for our first kiss.

Pete worked in a BP gas station that was next door (sorta, it was on a corner and we had space and a fence between us) to the house where I lived w/7 housemates in England. I saw him the first day I arrived in England, and all of us thought he was a cutie, but a bit odd w/his long fingernails (later we found out it was for guitar) and he never wore the same nametag twice, so we never knew his name. We called him Pete/Sam b/c those were the two he wore the most. Some days he was Daim-Ali. I always thought he was a cool dude and wanted to invite him over to some of our parties but never got the nerve.

Three months later I got a job there working the 2-10pm shift w/Pete three times a week. We spent most of the 8 hours just talking and after the first shift we were like old buddies. The day I was finally introduced to him, when my new boss asked him to train me, I just knew right then that I wanted to be with someone just like him. He was very non-judgemental, extremely nice, and didn't sound embarrassed when his Mum called.

After work we began getting together either at his house with his mates, or my house w/mine. We'd stay up talking, drinking, and smoking until 4am usually, and he'd stumble off home or walk me home and stumble back. During those walks home I always felt like we were close to something- but neither of us had the courage to make a move.

Fast forward to 6 months later. One of my housemates who just knew Pete and I had a thing for each other invited him to come along to a trip to Amsterdam with us. Pete jumped at the chance. I knew that I had to do something while we were on this trip or I'd lose Pete forever. Two weeks after the trip I was supposed to return to the States to begin my senior year of college.

By the second day Pete and I were beginning to feel a little closer to each other. When my friends were too tired, we ventured out of the campground back into town and stayed out longer than we should've just to get some time together. On the way back to the campground, we caught a tram going the wrong way, and ended up sitting on a bus stop bench for ages waiting for a night bus to swing by. I played the "I'm cold" card as an excuse for him to put his arm around me and I felt that then would be the time. However, neither of us moved, and the night bus came shortly after. I was too chicken to sit next to him on the bus, so I sat across from him.

The next night we all came back from town a bit late and my friends went back to the cabin while Pete and I sat on a bench and had a drink. This time I didn't have to pretend to be cold, he automatically put his arm around me and I snuggled up to him wondering how in the heck to make the move. He started kissing the top of my head, so I looked up and that was it. Our first kiss on a park bench in Amsterdam around 1am while two kids played soccer in front of us.

New Orleans = Sweat

DH and I spent yesterday in New Orleans with a college friend of mine who was visiting from Michigan. We drank, ate, drank, drank, ate, drank , drank and ate. DH was the designated driver this time, so I finally got to let loose. It was fun, but I'm feeling the effects today.

It was also too frickin' hot to be outside. One reason we drank and ate so much was so we could be inside in the air conditioning. We were so sweaty, once we got into an air-conditioned building I just wanted to strip and jump into their freezer. Couldn't though, some rules about no nudity and kids possibly going blind from seeing me do that and such. So I just suffered with everyone else.

Hungover at work today. I can't wait to go home.

Too funny not to share again

This is from the blog Mostly Fluff:

When I got home from work yesterday middle daughter rushes up to me all excited and practically breathless and says, "Mom! Guess who just got back together after a bunch of shit?!"

"Who?"
"My butt cheeks."

And people think that kids today are crass…

Happy De-colonization Day

I was trying to tell DH the Brit just what makes me proud to be an American...and I couldn't think of a damn thing. We're not the only "free" country in this world, and about the only thing we can really boast about is good baseball, lots of medals in the Olympics, a lot of McDonalds and Starbucks, and being fat. I feel like an unworthy American. There's obviously something that makes these Americans patriotic, and I hope it's not that just ALL of them don't seem to notice the rest of the world. I'll have to think on it.

Oh oh, I got one. We have wide open spaces, that are beautiful. The entire state of Utah's natural beauty (not the people, the land). There, I got one. Of course there are other parts of the world just as beautiful, and Canada has even more open spaces and beauty...so what else? Um...let's see, what else could I be proud of... free healthcare? Nope. The fact that we take care of our poor and children? Not really. How nice we are to our native Indians? Not at all. How wonderful we treat the rest of the world? No way, we do get involved but usually when it's too late (see: Sudan, Rwanda, WWII, want more?) Proud that we want to keep two people who love each other from being able to marry? No way. At least England offers "marriage visas" to "living partners", and Canada doesn't care as long as you pass their points system. Free universities? Where? We take care of our elderly? You answer that one.

Okay, so I have: scenery, and my pickup truck fits in down here, baseball, and country music. Yup that's it. I can't really find anything else to be proud of, that another country doesn't do better or just as good. Perhaps I should just be proud that I don't live in a third world country, I was able to declare bankruptcy, I "grew" during the year and a half absence my husband and I faced during our marriage thanks to the US, and if a refugee almost kills themselves to get here, we feed them before we send them merrily on their way back home. I'm just proud to be me, and proud to have found such a wonderful husband, and proud that my parents raised me to be as open towards the rest of the world as I could.

Happy De-colonization day.

This post cracks me up. You'll have to scroll down a bit, it's the one about the daughter telling her a joke. Go to a few days ago.

Jobs growth slows - Jul. 2, 2004

Raise your hand if you're unemployed

This is for those blind folks who believe the govt reports that Bush has been good for our economy. I was torn for a while between either sending back my college diploma to my college for a refund, or sending it to Bush with the note, "If the economy is so great, find me a job."

I wimped out instead and took a job way below me where I thrive at typing memos and sorting mail. Exactly the type of thing college trained me to do.
Jobs growth slows - Jul. 2, 2004

Dull

That's me, dull as ever. Not having the best week at all. My depression has kicked back in full force. I think it may have to do with either becoming immune to the happy pills or missing a few days by accident when I lost the bottle. Folks it's not about mind control or just not smiling enough or thinking positive thoughts, it's about a chemical imbalance, and that's all I want to say about it.

DH and I are housesitting again, and hopefully we'll get to meet up with a dear college friend on Monday in New Orleans. I haven't seen many of my friends since we graduated college, 3 years ago. I miss them, and I miss being surrounded by my best girlfriends at all times. I still have my best friend, DH, but I still get girlfriend lonely. I've got to get some balls and apply for jobs in Virginia. If DH isn't going to take his insurance exam in order to work his job here, then I have no excuse not to look for something better in a better state.

Or in England. God I miss England. I would just hate to be living there now as big as I am. I'd be an elephant in the gazelle exhibit at the zoo.